Noir Perspective

“No more stalling time to go to sleep.”

It was late in the night as I lay there on my bed. A broken shell of what once was a man. Recovering from the day that came before this night. Outside the moon was almost full. It made a disturbing yet luring sight. I was tired. But I couldn’t keep my eyes shut. Too tired to sleep, another cliché. Nothing is a cliché when it's happening to you.

I knew why I couldn’t sleep. The knowledge that tomorrow wouldn’t be any different haunted me. Just another day in the life. Normally on days like these I would write away my thoughts. But the apathy I felt. Blocked out any sound my muse made.

This entire day and it’s following night felt like a Moby song. The rhythm of what began to feel like a still life. Just taking you with the flow. Almost making it look like there is no free will. But of course there is. Our choices define us. If you’d made a different choice you would be a different person.

I could talk like I’m in a film noir movie a little more if I want to. But life isn’t a movie. Life is just this: It’s living. No more stalling time to go to sleep.

"Lady Karma is a cold hearted mistress, one day she can make you feel like a king, the next you feel like a slave."

It hasn’t left The Station yet...

It’s funny how we are all living movement following our heart and our impulses to the ends of the world. Constantly changing. Learning. Growing. The truth of this has never felt so real. If I could I would take you to Paris. Rome. Sydney. And many more places. Just so I can let you see them through my eyes. But I can’t your life is here. And to take you away from it, would only be selfish. For now. I must let you live your life. But I do thank you. You have taught me that I am still capable of love. A gift I thought I had lost. I guess what I’m trying to say is: I love you. Your smile. Your eyes. Your way of talking, of lightening up any situation. Your complete and total randomness. And know that the train out of here isn’t leaving yet, there is still time. So maybe one day. We can catch it together. And I can show you the world through my eyes, and you can show me it through yours.

Stilte voor de storm

Ik zit aan het kanaal. Het duisterste van de nacht lijkt voorbij. Maar de zonsopgang lijkt nog ver weg. In de verte raast een storm. Nog even en hij zal ook hier aankomen. Hoe ik die storm doorkom zal van mijn keuzes afhangen. Het is koud. De dagen worden steeds kouder. Het is het seizoen er voor. Ik zou kunnen gaan slapen. Maar ik doe het niet. We moeten de nacht doorkomen. De ochtend is voor slapen. Mijn gedachten drijven weg steeds weer naar hetzelfde. Dat ene wat mij uit mijn slaap houd. De wind word sterker. Het water word wilder. Het zal niet lang meer duren. Wat moet ik doen. De storm ontwijken. En een prachtige kans laten liggen. Of de storm trotseren. Met het gevaar dat er iets moois stukgaat. Ik ben het niet met mezelf eens. Ik blijf eerst nog even zitten. Probeer het moment te rekken. Maar na een tijdje voel ik de eerste druppels.

Ik kan niet meer wachten. Ik moet een keuze maken. Ik sta op. Dan maar de storm trotseren. Want wie niet waagt die wint niet. Leuk dat vrije wil.

Shellshock (English Version)

Cold is the morning. But with courage in your heart you head for the fight. Ignorant to what the day will bring. Will you be standing at the end? The sun rises over the fields. Just a little while until hell breaks loose. The glow of the battlefield shines in the distance.

It battle starts of slow. But soon your deep in it. I takes op all your energy just to keep your head in the fight. Everything is going too fast, but then again. Not fast enough. You see how this reality changes people around you. Day after day, you become more apathetic to it all. Men turn on each other. Some battles are won. Some are lost. But everybody loses something, There innocence.

Cold is the fight. People wonder why do we fight. Everyone has an answer but the only one they can’t convince is themselves. Children grow up on the battlefield. War never changes. It only changes the people fighting in it. By keeping your head down, keeping your wits and mostly by blind luck. You can survive the day. Your safe for now. But you know tomorrow the hell begins all over again. Tomorrow another school day.